Dream

Just a few days after my last post, I had a dream that when I awoke, it was still fresh on my mind and pain in my gut- literally. I recall seeing Dr. Kelly, the general surgeon, looking over me, like I was on the OR bed, and telling me I had no hernia, but my gallbladder must come out. Then, Dr. Andrew, the anesthetist, pushed that sleepy drug into my IV as they both were singing "Be Our Guest" when I drifted off into a deeper sleep.

Being an OR nurse, its typical dreaming of surgery so I put the idea away. Got ready for the day, Bible study, breakfast, a busy schedule in OR#4 with cleft lips, and then lunch came later in the afternoon. I opted for the traditional grilled cheese toasty with sweet spicy sauce. I returned to do another max-fax case and started not feeling well... that's when I remembered the dream. Dr. Kelly offered to do an ultrasound and I had blood drawn from the lab. I am so thankful for having access to a doctor and hospital when most of the world does not. Thankfully, blood work was normal, but Dr. Kelly did confirm I had little baby gallstones. Not the dream I would like to come true, but it did. The following days, I was torn with what to do... "Can I live with gallstones and risk being sick in Africa? Should I stay or go stateside to get help?" I was able to eat/drink soup and continue to work in the OR. The pain was tolerable, but I could tell I needed to get help. I felt loved by all my coworkers who wanted to do my surgery there on the ship. I bought my ticket to the states and started to get my life in order... more like my calendar. Trained nurses for plastic surgery, finding friends to cover my Starbucks night, lead the Esther Bible study, and take care of the JH girls while I'm gone. I did not want to leave. Of course I put off doing laundry and packing until my last night and also worked until 9pm being on-call. My questions then turned to "Why God would you take me away from something I love so much? This is where I'm suppose to be- serving you and loving these people." I did not want to leave. I had so many prayers as word got around so I was feeling better, but friends continued to tell me to take care of myself so I can take care of others.

Despite my stubbornness, I took medical leave from ship. As I saw the mountains of Sierra Leone disappear in the clouds, it was hard to hold back the tears. Traveled for next 36 hours... always wanting to turn back around and fly back to the place I call home. And now, two weeks since that dream, its hard to distinguish between my two homes. I love being here in Texas with my parents, seeing my best friends, eating mexican food (yes, its tolerable!), shopping at Target, and even driving through Dallas traffic- not as bad as Sierra Leone, but do I ever miss it!

I visited the surgeon today and he hopes to do surgery to remove my gallbladder on Monday if insurance works out. Prayers are much appreciated for the insurance process, surgery, and recovery so I return quickly to Sierra Leone. I am trusting God knows best and I am here for a reason, so I am resting in his sovereignty and peace. Next week, when the anesthesiologist is giving me the sleepy drug, I just hope my dreams are of Africa.